I miss you something fierce this time of year
when the sun is warming
and the light gets brighter every day
and the days can be brilliant
and I am reminded of my happiness then
when we got to know each other for a brief moment in time
when you would look at me and smile
and I felt your eyes resting on my body
wanting me wanting you
and I was lighter than I have been in my life.
But I know I never really knew you
and I am as heavy as I was before you
heavy inside my small lithe body
heavy in my heart.
I ask my men to lay on top of me
when they are done
so I can feel me underneath their heavy bones
their beating hearts
just to know again that we are real
that I am here,
me with no you.